100 gram of fools

Speaking of bad customer service, my new diet includes a great deal of weighing and measuring food and I have yet to come across a package of food that actually contains the amount it says it does. I’m especially irritated by my tuna where the water to fish ratio is off by 20 grams. Most packages contain 5-10 grams less than it claims, is this ok?

*Shaking my fist angrily at the world outside my kitchen window

Slippery slope

I’m waiting for a parcel since two and a half weeks. Posti.fi informs me that the parcel has been sent to all sorts of wrong places and in addition they’re upset about missing content information, which surprises me as the company I ordered from does nothing but sell and dispatch these types of products and I have had no problems with my order before.

Oh well, so C calls the post office which naturally forwards him a handful of times and ends up giving him another phone number to call. Meantime, I’m chatting with the same beloved post office, very helpful also. First I’m thrown out of the conversation and later, after much waiting (which I at least don’t have to pay for..), I’m informed they can give me no information. They want the sender to contact them and I ask if I can have a phone number for the sender to call? I can’t.

So I contact the sender, download a form, print out a form, fill out a form, pack out the scanner, scan the form and I’m good to go. Upload failed. Chat a bit with the sender, try a diffent browser and all is well. Packs scanner away.

Within an hour I receive an email, thank you for your contact. A little later I receive another email, “unable to process reclamation” as I have under the point “items not received” written “all products in the mentioned order (see order number)”. Big no-no, must write all article names and/or numbers that the matter concerns.


So I look for article numbers, can’t find any. I write in the names of the articles and pack out the scanner once more. Back to the email, DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL, best regards Danielle. Fuck you, Danielle, how do you want me to give you the information missing then? So back to the web page, refill all the information about the missing parcel, upload document (successfully!) and send. Packs scanner away.


There is so much of this in our lives lately, these small, nagging, FUCK-YOU-I-GOT-YOUR-MONEY-AND-YOU-GOT-NOTHING situations. I just want to rip my hair out, cry in frustration and move deep into the forest.

Hold my own

I try not to let myself be affected or influenced. I try to hold my own, do my own thing and not look so much at what everyone else is doing, or how they’re doing it.

For most of us it comes down to finding happiness, I suppose, and we all have our secret recipe of things to do and ways to do them. But I have this one thing where I cannot hold my own. A thing I do simply because everyone else is doing it.

I put lotion on my legs after the shower in the swimming hall. Everybody else does it – EVERYBODY – and I started to have a nagging feeling that there was something very important I was missing. After a few visits, I couldn’t take it anymore and brought my own bottle. Now I’m finally one of them, but I still don’t know why we do it.

Yesterday I went swimming with friends and dutyfully brought my lotion bottle. But they didn’t! I felt even more confused, now rubbing in that lotion without any sense of community at all. It didn’t make things better that I had a bit of a “Ross” moment, trying to pull up my extra skinny jeans on freshly buttered legs.

Sometimes I really feel that I’m not as normal as I thought I was. Maybe I’m actually as different as the normal people tend to think they are?

“You know when you were little and thought that the life of adults looked so boring?”, I sort of rhetorically asked C.

“No.”, he said.

Goddammit. This happens to me a lot.

For the rest of my life

The post office in Helsinki is looking for postal workers.

I’ve sent about 35 job applications to date. I could have sent more, but I absolutely hate the process and have to force myself through every step of the ass-kissing white lies bullshit. All of these applications have been in the field of marketing, communication or design. I have managed to land one interview, one video interview and one follow up design task, but no job.

The factors in life are a few too many right now: Money, workout, kids and apartment.

I dream about my own apartment, which is only possible when we both have alright-paying jobs. I dream about having kids, which is perfectly possible without an apartment but not possible without a job, I refuse to sit at home for nine months without anything to do. My workout takes a lot of time at the moment, but it feels like I have a chance at making a difference in my life for the first time in a while, by getting stronger and healthier in both body and mind. Unfortunately the gym I go to is very reasonably priced and therefore also absolutely packed with people in the evening. My routine that already takes almost 3 hours during the daytime would get longer still. I could change gyms, but my PT works in this one and still helps me out from time to time..

My husband suggests I take the job at the post office (assuming they give it to me) and then continue looking for a job in marketing/design. But here are the problems:

Staying unemployed:

  • no money
  • buying an apartment and starting a family gets pushed even further into the future

Getting a job in marketing/design:

  • might ruin my workout routine

Getting a job at the post office, continuing to apply for marketing:

  • might ruin my workout routine, but less likely than other jobs, due to workhours
  • changing jobs in, let’s say, a year pushes the babymaking even further into the future as I feel very uncomfortable leaving a newly found job after a short while to go on materity leave for who knows how many years

Getting a job at the post office and staying there

  • might ruin my workout routine, but less likely than other jobs, due to workhours
  • working long-term at the post office means a salary so low we cannot afford to buy anything larger than a two-room apartment
  • and if we do buy an apartment and have kids while I work at the post office, what are my chances of landing any other kind of job once I go back to work?

Don’t get me wrong, you know I love the post office, but it feels like economical suicide while living in Helsinki.

Am I being too negative? Too assuming? We never know how life will turn out, but I have made my share of choices that have played a big role in where I ended up, so I’m keen on finally choosing something that doesn´t fuck up my emotional, professional or economical future.

Getting a job in marketing looks like the most sensible choice. But I’m not getting a job in marketing, am I? Gosh, I feel so stuck right now.

Somebody call an adult.


And who’s winning?

Yesterday I felt very sad without any particular reason. This happens to the most of us, I suppose. Sometimes I cure it with chocolate, sometimes I stare at my plants for hours trying to figure out why I’m sad.

One of my least useful qualities is the need to figure out the right answer in these situations. I actually was moderately upset all week, when I think about it, even tried crying about something random to see if it would do the trick, but no. Only when I’ve felt sorry for myself for the right reason for the right amount of time can I let go.

Jestas sentään.

The answer turned out to be something about coming last in some competition called life, as if any of us would be winning anyways. Jestas sentään sentään.